Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
