I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize