it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
