just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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