i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
