doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
