I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
