I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
