it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
