i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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