i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
