trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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