Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize