I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You did what with his pubic hair?
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