So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
