He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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