all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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