I need to stop coming to work sober
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
