I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
