I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
