Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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