What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize
