Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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