im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize