I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
