I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
