almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
