4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
