apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
