what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The air was thick with penises
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Holy shit dude........stairs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize