2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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