Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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