he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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