You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
