Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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