lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
