i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
