Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
