He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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