oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
be right there i have to get my cape
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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