Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
