Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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