Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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