How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize