I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
