peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize