Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
