I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
