this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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