Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Did I show you my penis last night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
