Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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