he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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