We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
