Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
