i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
