I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
