this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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