My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
