I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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