capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize