the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
