The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
