Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
