just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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