Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
