i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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