The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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