We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
