ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
