Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
