I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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