I wish I could teleport
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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