I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
