turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize