the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
