Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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