babies were throwing up all over the place
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize