Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
