my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
