I accidentally burped into my bong.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
