how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You smell like stripper and shame
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
