Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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