I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
