I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
