We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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