So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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