I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
