I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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