i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
