I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
