pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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