we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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