The maid of honor just puked.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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