genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
