I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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