I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
