Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
